Basic Principles of Raising Children
Key 1: Keeping your cool
Strangely enough, part of being a good parent is being a good actor. Whatever children throw at you, whether it's having a tantrum at 3 years or sneaking off to a party at 14, you must always appear to take things in your stride.
Appearing to be calm at all times is an essential element of good parenting. No matter how upset or irritated you might feel inside, your child should never see that you are not in control. This is vital for two reasons: firstly, seeing you upset or in any way out of control is frightening and confusing to a child. It creates a sense of uncertainty and insecurity in their lives. Conversely, by always appearing calm, no matter what the child has done, makes them feel their parents are always in control of the situation, that there is nothing that happens in the world that mum and dad can’t deal with. Also just as important, that there is nothing that they can DO that mum and Dad can’t handle, nothing that will make mum and dad hate or despise them. Also...
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Parenting Myth of the Month
Time-outs are an effective way of disciplining young children - not!
Most child raising books and internet sites still promote time-outs as an effective discipline tool because it 'gives your child an opportunity to learn to cope with frustration and modify his behaviour'. This sounds good in theory and, because of the move away from using a smack, about the only option for modern parents. But, as most parents find out, this is a very ineffective technique for most people.
Why is it ineffective?
1) it requires parents to delay discipline until the child is old enough to accept time-outs which is at about 3 years old. So that is a crucial 2 years of training that is missed when parents can establish their authority.
2) parents run the risk of looking ineffectual and foolish when the toddler runs away or wiggles or screams or sits when you said stand or vice versa. Parents lose authority when it becomes clear to a child that mum and dad aren't in charge.
3) the lesson the parent is trying to teach is often lost because of the delay in getting the child to do the time-out.
4) time-outs can last too long in relation to the offence for young ones or not long enough with older children. It is difficult to get the balance right. Experts say a time-out shouldn't last more than 30 secs until a child is 3 but what can a toddler learn in 30 seconds? It takes that long to hold them still! The only technique that works with small children is...
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7 Ways to Improve your Child's Confidence and Social Skills
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