The 10 Worst Parenting Myths
How has the modern childraising philosophies prepared our children for life's challenges? How has it made parenting easier for today's busy and overwhelmed parents? In fact, modern parenting philosophies has only succeeded in complicating matters and making parenting more difficult, stressful and frustrating for parents and children alike. Our homes are often war zones instead of comfort zones.
Parenting myths are everywhere you look. They sound so good - in theory. The trouble is, like communism, you run into problems when you try to put them into practice. Let's look at the worst of them.
1. Quality time counts more than quantity time
Quality time became a catchphrase over the last three decades when both parents were working full time enabling them to provide the extra good things in life for their children and themselves. This modern myth gives parents a false sense of security that two parents CAN work and still do a good job of raising their children. Read more...
2. Smacking is harmful
A quick comparison between previous generations that used the smack and the current generation quickly reveals the fallacy of the myth that smacking is detrimental to discipline. Our parents' generation turned out with ethics, morals, manners and a commonsense approach to life whereas this current generation has, by and large, dubious moral values, few manners and a big sense of entitlement. Read more...
3. Timeouts work
Most childraising books and internet sites still promote time-outs as an effective discipline tool because it 'gives your child an opportunity to learn to cope with frustration and modify his behaviour'. This sounds good in theory and because of the negative press given to using a smack, about the only option for modern parents. But, as most parents find out, this is a very ineffective technique for most people. Read more...
4. Explaining your reasons makes it more likely that your kids will follow your rules
Children who grow up expecting their parents to explain why they are being asked to do something soon become teens who expect their parents to JUSTIFY their requests and rules. Having to explain a rule or decision to a two year old is one thing - having to argue with 3 teens or pre-teens about every request you make or discipline you impose becomes a source of frustration and contention in the home.Read more...
5. Natural Consequences work
Firstly, using natural consequences requires parents to think on their feet all the time. Instead of knowing automatically what their response will be when their children commit an infraction, parents have to think fast AFTER the event to think of what the most logical consequence should be. This is stressful and if a parent can't think of an appropriate response in time, it can lead to one of two things: Read more...
6. Childcare is as good as Parentcare
A stay at home parent spends most of their day doing things with their children, beside their children or from a benevolent distance. Those valuable hours of contact allow parents to teach valuable lessons of life to their children, sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly. Read more...
7. Praising children will motivate them to do the right thing
Modern parents are always being told the importance of using frequent praise with their children. The theory behind this is that children are motivated by their parents' approval and the boost to their self esteem. By praising children when they are good or do something right, they will be motivated to continue with the positive behaviour. Indeed, praise can be a powerful tool. The problem is when it is used indiscriminately in an attempt to control children's behaviour. Read more...
8. Kids must be happy and it is the parent's job to make sure they are happy
Of course parents want their children to have happy childhoods. It is a wonderful buffer to have in adulthood. The problem arises when parents believe that causing their child distress in the short term will impede the 'happy childhood' project. The results of this mistaken belief are children who are rude, demanding and rather unlikeable. The irony is that these children are far from happy children. Not having firm boundaries and a clear leader makes a child feel insecure and anxious. And when they get out into the world, they are in for a rude shock. Read more...
9. Parents can be pals with their kids
Many modern parents have bought into this myth, partly because of the prevalence of such charming relationships being portrayed in the media and partly because of their own insecurities about their parenting abilities. These parents think that if they are friends with their children, they will be able to guide them into adulthood without ever having to need to discipline them or, heaven forbid, have their children dislike them. Read more...
10. It is better to remove opportunities for children to make mistakes than to allow them to make them
Modern advice is that keeping unwanted behaviour from happening in the first place is easier than stopping it later. The trouble with this myth is that you are missing valuable teaching opportunites. How will a child ever learn what it can and can't do, if you do not give them the opportunity to make mistakes? Read more...
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