The ABCs of Manners
There are many books and websites on manners. Below are some links and articles you may find useful. (page still under construction)
A List of Table Manners for kids
Here is a list of manners to start teaching kids, from Environmental Sanitation and Food Safety ( http://www.indianchild.com/table_manners_for_children.htm)
Wash your hands before sitting down.
Leave toys, books, and pets behind.
When you sit down, place the napkin in your lap.
Sit up straight and don't slouch.
Ask politely for dishes to be passed. Never reach across the table.
Wait until everyone is seated and served before starting to eat. If grace is said, wait to eat until it is completed. Don't giggle during grace.
Keep your elbows off table.
Never chew with your mouth open.
Never talk with a mouth full of food.
Use utensils quietly without banging them on the table or plate. You should place your knife softly on the edge of the plate when not in use.
Slice butter from the butter dish and place it on your butter plate or other plate. The butter knife should stay with the butter dish.
Never wave or throw utensils.
Keep your knife out of your mouth.
Never play with your food.
Never grab food from other people's plates.
Ask politely for seconds if you want them.
Ask to be excused from the table.
Clear your plate from the table and take it into the kitchen.
Also include:
Keep elbows close to your body.
Always thank the cook for dinner. This includes your mum or dad every night!
HOW TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TABLE MANNERS
by Sue Edgerley
Why are manners important?
Your children uses their social skills in all aspects of their lives, from the playground to the classroom, to the workplace. In their early years, most of your child’s time is spent with you but as he or she gets older, they start to interact more and more with other people. The success of these relationships depend, to a large extent, on their social skills. By teaching your children good manners, you are helping your child develop strategies for being successful in their relationships.
We are not born with good manners. Our children need to be shown over and over how to behave in situations. A good place to start is teaching good table manners. None of us want our children to feel unsure or embarrassed when they go to a friend’s place or out to dinner. In addition, teaching table manners teaches your children courtesy towards other people – the basis of all social skills. Even though you know your children are smart and sweet, other people will judge them on how they behave. So what can you do to teach your child good table manners?
Ways to teach table manners
1. Set a good example. Children learn a lot of behaviours by watching you so show consideration and politeness to others. Say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’; don’t reach across the table for the water, ask someone to pass it to you.
2. Keep it simple. For very young children, make sure to stress only one or two manners at a time. Once these skills are mastered, add a few more or add a new situation. For example: good table manners may start with using the right utensils and never speaking with your mouth full. Then, add asking to be excused from the table, etc. Once children have mastered these manners, add more rules or add new dining situations, like a restaurant or picnic.
3. Rehearse. Set up a “special” family dinner, using good dinnerware, tablecloths, or candles, maybe even dress up! Make a point of being extra polite and get your children to follow your lead to practice their rules for good table manners. Make it fun!
4. Use a reward system. What about a jellybean jar for each child, and adding a jellybean for each polite behaviour observed at the table. Allow them to eat some for dessert. For people who don’t want to encourage eating sweets, use some other form of reward system.
5. Have ‘What if’ scenarios. ‘What would you do if you drop your spoon on the floor?’ ‘What would you do if you hate the dinner someone served?’
6. Recognise their efforts! Recognise and praise their efforts.
7. Print the rules. Make or buy placemats with table manners printed on them. Get the kids involved in making and decorating the placemats. Have a fun quiz over dinner to see who remembers the most rules. You can find ready to print manners placemats on the internet or you can download one here.
So where do you start?
Talk to your kids about these basic rules and put it in terms they can understand, such as:.
"Eat with cutlery unless the food is meant to be eaten with fingers. Only babies eat with fingers."
or
"Don't stuff your mouth full of food, it looks gross, and you could choke."
Teaching your children table manners is an important social skill they can use throughout their lives. Once mastered, it won’t be forgotten – rather like riding a bike. And it only takes a few minutes a day, or a couple of nights a week.
List of common Courtesies
Teach you child good habits and courtesy. Good habits, good manners and courtesy have to be inculcated in a child at an early age. Courtesy costs nothing and profits everybody (http://www.learning-graph.com/goodhabits.htm).
Courtesy
Greet your parents with a smile every morning
Greet your teachers everyday.
Knock before you enter.
If you are wrong say sorry.
Be polite to everybody.
Be friendly with your neighbors.
Treat old people with care.
Give respect to your elders
Say please if you want something.
Say thank you when you get it.
Speak softly in public places.
Do not fight with your friends.
Listen to others when they speak.
Do not interrupt a conversation.
Invite your guests to sit down.
Say ‘hello’ when you meet somebody.
Say goodbye as you leave.
Do not talk with your mouth full.
Do not play ROUGH.
Cover your mouth and nose when you sneeze.
Say excuse me after you sneeze.
Share your things with your friends
Always ask before borrowing somebody’s things.
Wish your parents good night before you sleep.
Nine Tips for Teaching your child how to be polite
from Disney Family.com (http://familyfun.go.com/parenting/child/dev/feature/dony39famanners/dony39famanners2.html)
1. INSTRUCT IN SMALL DOSES. Use a step-by-step fashion. For telephone etiquette, for instance, begin instruction with "hellos" and "good-byes," then teach asking the caller to "please wait a minute while I get my dad." Lastly, guide children to take messages. For table manners, work on one or two at a time.
2. USE A VARIETY OF APPROACHES FOR MANNERS INSTRUCTION. Show your child how to put his napkin on his lap by doing it for him. Try giving a one-word reminder--"napkin" is all you need to say. Try offering a non-verbal cue by just pointing to the napkin.
3. STAY CONSISTENT. Every time your son comes to the table with a baseball cap on, for instance, ask him politely to remove it by saying, "No hats at the table, please."
4. MODEL THE MANNERS YOU INSIST YOUR CHILD EXHIBIT. You can even point them out to your children. "Nancy sent flowers when Grandpa died. It's polite for me to write this thank-you note." Conversely, if you talk when your mouth is full of food, the likelihood is great your kids will do the same.
5. TELL YOUR CHILDREN WHAT YOU EXPECT. On your way to Grandma's for a holiday meal explain, "If Grandma serves a dish you don't want to eat, I expect you to just pass it or say, 'No, thank you. I don't care for sweet potatoes, Grandma.'"
6. COMPLIMENT YOUR CHILDREN when they spontaneously use words expressing consideration. Do it this way: "I heard you thank Mr. Toschi for letting you swim at his house. That was thoughtful and polite."
7. DON'T EXPECT PERFECTION. If you're a perfectionist in the courtesy category, you might be setting yourself up for a manners war. If one starts to brew, back off. Remain a good model, but realize if you get into a manners tug-of-war, you'll lose. Ultimately your child holds the controls.
8. DON'T EMBARRASS YOUR CHILD. If your child is talking while chewing, it's okay to ask him to swallow first and then talk, but it's not okay to do this when your teenage son's girlfriend is dining with the family for the first time.
9. EXPLAIN TO YOUR children that rules of etiquette are important not simply as codes to live by, but as acts of kindness and consideration for others.
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